I just read an article on Yahoo about impossible dating tips and how, in the end, it is important to be yourself otherwise you'll end up extremely unhappy even if you end up landing a man. And that's so true. How can you be happy if you're constantly changing in order to attract someone of the opposite sex? Yes, you may end up finding someone who is attracted to the person you are temporarily portraying, but it isn't your genuine self. Then you end up in an unfulfilling and unhappy relationship where you have to keep playing a role and lash out at the other person for putting you in this position, and they're unhappy because you end up not being the person you originally claimed to be.
This made me think about the guy I recently dated and how one of the (many) reasons that I stopped dating him was because I felt like I couldn't be myself in the relationship. To be honest, that scared me because I like who I am and I feel trapped and self-conscious if I can't be myself around someone, especially someone who I'm dating or in a relationship with. I think one of the first things that set it off was that he lied about where he met me. We met online which, although I may not tell people that don't know me just because there still is a certain stigma about meeting someone online, I wouldn't lie about it to people I'm close with. Right off the bat he told me that he had told his parents he met me at the bar. Honestly, even if I may go out with my girlfriends every so often to the bar, I'm not typically a girl that any guy would meet at the bar so how is that any better than having met me online. And, on the other side of things, these are your parents who you basically just lied to about the fundamental start of our relationship without which would have never existed. Also, on a side note, it was the first week I had met him so, to me, it was entirely too soon for him to even bring up the fact that he had mentioned me to his parents. I don't care if he did, I don't care if he told them details about our first date, I don't care if he made up details about the bar of our first meeting, but I DO care that he told ME about telling THEM. If you're a guy out there needing relationship advice, PLEASE do NOT mention talking to the parents about the girlfriend or girl you're dating to said girl so soon after the first date. It will just freak her out.
Also, he lied to them on other factors as well, which I found out on another date. When he was apparently telling them about me, they asked him questions (which I didn't want to know any of this, by the way). One of which is if I had a tattoo. He told them no, which he later, smiling at me when I revealed the one on my foot when I took off my shoe to put on an ice skate, he said he didn't know at the time. Although I could understand where this lie was coming from (because he honestly didn't know), I didn't really get how my having a tattoo would have indicated what type of girl I was. Now not only was I freaked out that his parents had an inordinate amount of information about me without my consent, it was also freaking me out because I soon realized they had information about a girl they were never going to get to meet. Not the imagined me nor the real me.
I know there are times where you become friends with or date someone that you respect and look up to because you want to better yourself. You know the type. You become friends with the sweet bookish girl that is in your English class and her influence leads you to actually read the material to discuss over coffee with her. Or you end up befriending and dating the nice religious guy from your intramural team so he can inspire you to go to church with him every Sunday. These are people that you go out of your way to put in your life because sometimes having people you admire and aspire to be can help you become a better person. But, intentionally changing the very essence of what makes you who you are is an empty way to live. It's nice to aspire to be what you believe is "better" than yourself, but it is more important to surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and uplift you. To quote Epictetus: "The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best." Don't dim your light for anyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment