Robyn Takes On Individuality

I just read an article on Yahoo about impossible dating tips and how, in the end, it is important to be yourself otherwise you'll end up extremely unhappy even if you end up landing a man. And that's so true. How can you be happy if you're constantly changing in order to attract someone of the opposite sex? Yes, you may end up finding someone who is attracted to the person you are temporarily portraying, but it isn't your genuine self. Then you end up in an unfulfilling and unhappy relationship where you have to keep playing a role and lash out at the other person for putting you in this position, and they're unhappy because you end up not being the person you originally claimed to be.

This made me think about the guy I recently dated and how one of the (many) reasons that I stopped dating him was because I felt like I couldn't be myself in the relationship. To be honest, that scared me because I like who I am and I feel trapped and self-conscious if I can't be myself around someone, especially someone who I'm dating or in a relationship with. I think one of the first things that set it off was that he lied about where he met me. We met online which, although I may not tell people that don't know me just because there still is a certain stigma about meeting someone online, I wouldn't lie about it to people I'm close with. Right off the bat he told me that he had told his parents he met me at the bar. Honestly, even if I may go out with my girlfriends every so often to the bar, I'm not typically a girl that any guy would meet at the bar so how is that any better than having met me online. And, on the other side of things, these are your parents who you basically just lied to about the fundamental start of our relationship without which would have never existed. Also, on a side note, it was the first week I had met him so, to me, it was entirely too soon for him to even bring up the fact that he had mentioned me to his parents. I don't care if he did, I don't care if he told them details about our first date, I don't care if he made up details about the bar of our first meeting, but I DO care that he told ME about telling THEM. If you're a guy out there needing relationship advice, PLEASE do NOT mention talking to the parents about the girlfriend or girl you're dating to said girl so soon after the first date. It will just freak her out.

Also, he lied to them on other factors as well, which I found out on another date. When he was apparently telling them about me, they asked him questions (which I didn't want to know any of this, by the way). One of which is if I had a tattoo. He told them no, which he later, smiling at me when I revealed the one on my foot when I took off my shoe to put on an ice skate, he said he didn't know at the time. Although I could understand where this lie was coming from (because he honestly didn't know), I didn't really get how my having a tattoo would have indicated what type of girl I was. Now not only was I freaked out that his parents had an inordinate amount of information about me without my consent, it was also freaking me out because I soon realized they had information about a girl they were never going to get to meet. Not the imagined me nor the real me.

I know there are times where you become friends with or date someone that you respect and look up to because you want to better yourself. You know the type. You become friends with the sweet bookish girl that is in your English class and her influence leads you to actually read the material to discuss over coffee with her. Or you end up befriending and dating the nice religious guy from your intramural team so he can inspire you to go to church with him every Sunday. These are people that you go out of your way to put in your life because sometimes having people you admire and aspire to be can help you become a better person. But, intentionally changing the very essence of what makes you who you are is an empty way to live. It's nice to aspire to be what you believe is "better" than yourself, but it is more important to surround yourself with people who love you for who you are and uplift you. To quote Epictetus: "The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best." Don't dim your light for anyone.

Robyn Takes On the Medium

Ok, so I have a confession to make...I watch Bravo...like a lot. I won't always admit to it in mixed company but it's a good channel for background noise (especially during the day when nothing else of interest is playing on any other channel) and I do actually like some of the shows. Like Millionaire Matchmaker which I don't just like, I love, even if Patti can be over the top at times and the millionaires appear to be getting crazier each season. But I'm not wanting to discuss Millionaire Matchmaker, I want to talk about one of the many housewives shows. The one in particular that has been re-running constantly and therefore I am subjected to watching lately even if it is one of my least favorite of the housewives series is the Housewives of Beverly Hills. Mostly because of Camille Grammer but even barring her it is still a bit much most of the time.

I'm not even trying to bash Camille, even if she seems fake especially when she waxes poetically about how kind and wonderful she is but continues to throw lashing comments about Kyle constantly in those interview sessions or to her fellow housewife friends. Kyle's got her kids and a family that she's worried about while Camille's worried about how her fake ta-ta's look to visiting lecherous male family-friends and is running around kissing married men on the lips...in front of their wives. Yet she is wonderful and fabulous (cough, cough, delusion) so I shouldn't say anything bad about her.
My biggest beef with Camille is about a dinner party she hosted at her house, and it isn't even about her but about a friend she invited named Allison DuBois. Years ago I watched some of the television show Medium and really enjoyed it. I learned that it was based on the medium Allison DuBois and thought she seemed like a very interesting person especially with the work she does with the police. When Camille mentioned in one of the interviews that her friend Allison DuBois was coming to dinner, I was excited because we would have an opportunity to see the really medium.

I am sad to say, though, that never before in my life have I been more disgusted with a person. That is saying a lot because I have seen many of the housewives interacting with each other (such as crazy Danielle from the Jersey housewives-unstable much?), but this was horrible. She smoked on a fake cigarette that blows steam out of it and acted stuck up the entire time at the dinner table. I can get that she may have not wanted the guests to ask her about her profession since she was "off the clock" but when you introduce yourself just say your name and don't even mention to people what your job is. Plus, don't down a bunch of cocktails and act psychotic. I'm not saying I doubt her gift, even if some people are mentalists and use their keen senses to read others body language to make it appear as if they have psychic powers. But if you have a gift like she claims to have, don't use it in such a spiteful and malicious way. She started spouting off things like that she can tell people the exact moment they will die and how. How horrible of a person are you? Even if you are capable of doing that, having a gift like that carries burdens and is not to be taken lightly. Obviously you were given it for a reason and I doubt the reason was to spread hate around in this world. If anything it was to bring closure and peace to people. I never imagined the real medium to be so vindictive and she really lost a fan the day she appeared on the housewives. I was expecting someone who would be able to rise above the petty drama that the housewives had going on (and that they even wanted to put behind themselves) not add fuel to the fire. If anything I was hoping, especially when she told her profession, to be able to help the women come together not tear each other apart. Now I think of her as a pot stirrer who knew the exact words to say to make everyone blow up at each other and I'd be ashamed to call that my gift--to read the emotions of others and play with them. No matter what, you should never take someone's word about the character of another person that you haven't met even if it is a close friend. You don't know what is going on in other people's lives and it is unfair to the person you've never met to make judgments based on another person's assessment. I have learned this many times the hard way but I learned these lessons in high school and the first year or so of college. Why hasn't this forty-year-old woman learned it yet? It is heavy to carry so much hatred around with you and it makes me sad to see her wish so much harm to come to people that she barely even knows. She even made a comment about something happening to one of Kyle's children and how, if one of them went missing, she wouldn't help them find the child (because of her powers) even if they begged her to help-how awful! I don't wish her any ill will but it is my sincerest hope that she find some love and light in her heart and life. This world could use more of it, that is for certain.